Ladies, I’m going to give you the cheat code on unlocking your 20’s. I want you to walk into your 30’s, knowing precisely who you are, and knowing your purpose. Beautiful Queen, you are now beginning this journey into womanhood, this is the time to be free, this is the time to find yourself, the perfect time to learn to love everything about yourself. Don’t get hung up on men if your instincts tell you that this man isn’t good for you, leave! If he is treating you or making you feel like anything less than a queen or a goddess, leave! You are worth more than diamonds, pearls, rubies and way more than the most expensive Hermes Birkin handbag. Don’t make the same mistake I made and stay in long relationships, within six months a man should know if he wants something serious: a future, marriage and children. Don’t become someones, long term girlfriend, wasting most if not all your 20’s in a relationship that might end in a breakup or you feeling like you’ve given so many years to this man and now you have to stay because starting over seems so daunting. Please don’t ‘build a bear’ to hand it over to another woman for her to reap the fruits of your labour, she now gets to have this reformed man, whilst you got the bad boy, the boy who broke your heart and played you for a fool but you stayed because of Love, only to leave a well-made man for another woman. Queen, don’t pick the short end of the stick, get out before its too late.
Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t be difficult, a man who loves you will treat you like a queen, he will protect you, respect you, spoil you with Love and gifts. Love is not abusive, and it doesn’t try to tear you down.
Remember Queen:
“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7
Anything less than this isn’t Love Queen, and you should leave, always choose yourself and your happiness. Trust me; there are plenty more fish in the sea, and you will love again, someone will see your worth, and show you the Love you deserve.
Your 20’s are your years of independence, as you leave home and go to college/university. You should be having lots of fun, going on holiday with your girls, going out and letting your hair down, shaking a leg, getting drunk with your best friends, going on lots of dates, this is your prime the critical years of your life. Your skin and body are at its best; the elasticity in your skin is at an all-time high. You’re probably still fitting into that small size dress, and your skin is super firm and toned, not a stretch mark or cellulite in sight. Your 20’s is the best time in your life to cultivate your mind. Figure out who you are, your boundaries, your standards, who you want to be, and how you want others to experience you, your purpose in life, and your goals and dreams.
Ladies hear what I’m saying and understand it. I know you might think you’re all grown up and what I’m saying might sound irrelevant and silly. But, trust me, you don’t want to waste your 20’s heartbroken, or hanging around people who don’t wish you well, get rid of the energy vampires who are around you. What do you want out of life? Decide that you’re going to stop procrastinating, work on yourself and your dreams. Whatever bad habits you have work on them too, see a therapist and speak with a professional about all your childhood traumas. Edify your mind by reading books and watching documentaries; knowledge is power, and you want to start building yourself up, nurture your mind, body and soul.
I know your 20’s is challenging, confusing and you spend most of the years trying to figure out what to do and so much seems to happen in such a short space of time. But, I am here to remind you that you can have the life you want and be the woman you want to be. You have to decide to be intentional so that by the time your thirties come around, you are a whole woman, and you are complete within yourself, so now you can determine what’s next. Maybe your thirties is all about your career, or perhaps it’s about family or both. Have a plan for yourself when it comes to your career and start making small steps in that direction, don’t passively be a passenger in your own life, feeling like you don’t know where your life is going. I know they say age is nothing but a number, but remember that we age internally as a woman, which means unlike men who can have kids until they are knocking on death’s door, us women become less fertile with time. If having a family is essential to you, you want to make sure you are a whole woman, as ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and the last thing you want is to pour your pain onto your children or your marriage and trust me this happens so very often.
Remember that whatever you do in your 20’s will affect you later on in life and you don’t want to be playing catch up in your 30’s. Because you squandered, your 20’s away on Love, toxic relationships or thinking you had an abundance of time. My friends who are a few years older than me love to remind me that at 27 I’m still extremely young and I agree. But in life, I believe you have to be intentional and not waste time. People nowadays love to say that 30 is the new 20, I know I was guilty of thinking this way myself once, but the truth is, it’s not. We still have our biological clock ticking away, and 40 is not the new 30. I don’t want to be rushing in my 30’s because I didn’t take my 20’s more seriously. Your 20’s are hard, but don’t let the world fool you into believing that you have unlimited time.
Not making choices is a choice itself; you might tell yourself that you will make up for lost times in your 30’s, that now is the time to be intentional about your life. But what happens is that most women start rushing in their 30’s, you will begin to see friends getting engaged after only knowing a guy for 6 to 9 months and it’s now acceptable to get engaged after such a short time. I dare you to try this in your 20’s, and I predict that most of your girlfriends will be asking you why you’re rushing into a marriage at such a young age. Funny how life works right, I don’t think that you should be wasting your 20’s doing pointless things and staying in long relationships for years only for it to end in a breakup, and now you’ve just given four years to one person. Only to start over again!
An excellent book to read is ‘The Defining Decade’ by Meg Jay; this book goes into a lot more detail as to why your 20’s are so important, and I would strongly advise anyone in their 20’s to read this book.