Beautiful Queen, enjoy your 20’s. Trust me, they go so quickly and before you know it you’re on the back end of your 20’s, only now trying to figure life out. You do not want to be that girl, trust me! Feeling like you’ve wasted almost a decade, doing what you might ask yourself, what have I accomplished, and the vital question you will be asking yourself is, ‘who am I’?
Queen remember life goes by so quickly, and just like the period between turning 20 and 30, by the time you blink the same will happen between the age of 30 and 40. The young are trying to look old, and the old are trying to look young, but why not just enjoy being young so that you can enjoy in your more senior years. Trust me, when you start hitting the back end of your 20’s, and you have no career, and no potential husband, you start to wonder what you spent your time doing in the early parts of your 20’s. Your 20’s are not disposable year’s, it’s not a fill gap, between your teenage years and your 30’s, where anything goes. This narrative being promoted is a complete lie, use logic, be intentional and be purpose-driven when it comes to your life. Have a plan and execute it, know that its okay to make mistakes, but don’t waste time, your 20’s are the most critical years of your life.
Let me start by giving you a quick overview of my 20’s, and if you can learn from some of my mistakes, please do. Although saying that, I don’t feel that anything in life is a mistake, I once read somewhere in a book that it’s not everything you need to experience, especially the things that will hurt you or distract you or lead you away from your destiny. Sometimes, listening to older and wiser individuals and learning from their mistakes can help you not make detours in this complicated, unpredictable and uncertain thing called ‘life’.
Growing up, I was hard hearing, and many older, more experienced individuals gave me advice and tried to help me avoid recreating mistakes they made. Still, as a teenager, you don’t listen, because you seem to think you know it all for some crazy reason. Especially now that you’re in your 20’s and no longer a teenager, you are now a woman, and no one can tell you anything.
When I was going to college, everyone told me not to get caught up in college freedom. Still, there was something about not being forced to go to your classes, having to make sure you put in the work because unlike secondary school or high school, there was no one to supervise you. Either you went to your lectures at the appointed time, or you didn’t, it was your decision, but if you didn’t go, it was highly likely that you would fail when exam season came around. For me, that’s what happened! I remember asking my then friend, now sister, to ask my teacher for my mock exam results and my teacher replying to this request by saying that my grades were so terrible that they should not be said out loud, it was a ‘U’ for you failed girl. By that time, I had decided to drop out of college and work full time. Making money felt good, and I loved my job working at Hollister, back then that was the ‘it’ job. Everyone wanted to be a model and wear their cute skimpy outfits, standing outside the store greeting customers, next to a beautiful male model dripping with baby oil all over his tender muscles. It was honestly every young girl’s dream, and I was one of the girls. Well, I worked in the stockroom, because being a model was boring and all the fun happened at the back where we could be free, and there were no customers back there.
Anyway, my 20’s were filled with heartbreak, partying every weekend to get over my heartbreak, studying and going on epic girls holidays. I mean when I think about it, my 20’s weren’t so bad to be fair. But in hindsight, I would have approached certain situations and individuals differently. I wouldn’t have spent years hurt and broken over a three and a half year toxic relationship. I wouldn’t have lost myself to fit into another three and a half year relationship right off the back of my first failed relationship. I mean, I spent more than half of my 20s being in two serious relationships, that inevitably ended, leaving me single and searching for Love once again. I definitely would have cut off certain friendships, friends that were jealous, competitive, energy vampires and just outright fake !! Oh yeah, let us not forget about the friends that had past there used by date, as Tyler Perry puts it ‘the leaves’, the friends that move in whatever direction the wind blows, the friends who blow hot and cold. I know you know what I’m talking about, we all have them friends, the ones who don’t add much value to your life, but you keep them around because of shared history.
Take it from a woman who spent three and a half years with her first boyfriend who I planned my whole future around; it was meant to be perfect. Travel the world, create unforgettable memories together, move in with each other, get engaged, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. But life isn’t a fairytale, and that relationship broke my heart into a thousand pieces and left me damaged, confused and insecure. I then got into another three and a half year relationship, only to lose my identity and completely forget who I was, as I tried so hard to fit into my Fiance’s African culture. But this relationship was beautiful, and I was able to grow and begin my self-love journey. Luckily my Fiance, Oh yeah, I was engaged to my ex. He was patient, soft and caring, and he helped me heal, treated me like a queen, and showered me with Love and provided this beautiful life for me. Unfortunately, trying to fit into his world meant that I slowly started to lose myself, which inevitably led to me leaving the relationship to find myself and figure out my purpose.
Career-wise, I spent the first half of my 20’s in university, and the rest of my 20’s in a job that didn’t fulfil me. I was always putting my dreams on the back burner and procrastinating because I thought “well I have my 30’s to do better and be better”. I also didn’t believe in myself, and I guess when all your life people have been telling you that you’re not good enough, you start to accept that as your reality. Let me tell you that, that’s all a big fat lie. Your 20’s are the years for building and growing; they are Foundational years and the most transformative years of your life. You should date to find a husband, and if a man doesn’t meet your standards, you leave and move on to the next.
What would I have done differently?
I would have allowed myself to enjoy university, and I would have actually gone out and even made more meaningful friendships during the three years I was there. Instead, I chose to isolate myself from the world and pour Love into a relationship rather than healing and pouring that Love into myself. I should have booked some counselling sessions and worked on healing the broken little girl inside me, crying from all the pain and trauma she had experienced. I would have enjoyed each moment instead of overthinking and living in fear of other peoples judgment. I would have believed in myself and loved myself unconditionally and unapologetically. No, I had to learn through all my trial and errors, and begin this self-love journey, to get to where I am now, which is a fantastic place. I definitely won’t be making these mistakes again, but I’m not perfect, and life is this constant journey of growth, self-development and understanding.